Thursday, April 18, 2013

Day Three~That would be the butt Bob!

Well, the good news is that I am not as sore as yesterday.  Bad news is my back side is.  OMG I should be able to crack walnuts with my butt checks by the time I am done!  Holy Crap!  I really did work my ass off yesterday.  My thighs were screaming and protesting but I got through it!  I did find I am not as limber as I once was.  Big surprise huh?!  The showoffs on the TV bent themselves in half and kissed their knees in the stretching.  I was lucky I could bend over.  I usually don't do that unless there is candy on the floor or something.

Breakfast was good.  Again, I changed it up a bit.  It was to be spinach, lox, onion scrambled eggs.  I opted for bacon instead.  Canadian bacon to be accurate.  Lunch was a Chicken and Veggie soup.  Snack was *yawn* celery.  It did have almond butter on it though.  Almond butter is like peanut butter but much better. This diet cuts out soy and peanuts have soy.  Dinner was, finally, a burger!  Ok, so it was a turkey burger but you put enough pepper on anything and it can taste pretty good!  Everything was washed down with good old bottled water!  I discovered that our well water that is treated gives me really bad stomach pains.  A tablespoon of apple cider vinegar makes the water pretty good and it is a great flush.

My stomach is going down though!  I used to look straight down and see my stomach poking out farther than my boobs.  Not so now!  I got so excited about that that I walked 2 miles with the boy!  Maybe this exercising stuff is starting to work.  I also have alot more energy!  For the first time in a long time I am looking forward to going shopping.  I may have to write Omar the Tentmaker a goodbye letter since I won't be visiting him again though.  I know he will be upset.  I measured my thunder thighs too.  Yes, they do make tape measures that big!  25 inches.  Woah....  Maybe I shouldn't have done that....  I really had to resist checking my measurements cause I know if I haven't lost any inches I will be depressed and give up.  Still not doing  the harder versions of the exercises.  Next week I am going to try them though.  Even if I can only do a few.

For now's onto day four!


Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Day Two~OW....OW....OW....

O....M....F....G....!  I can't move!  I woke up when the alarm clock went off and tried to jump out of bed.  My thighs had other ideas.  They were screaming to me "get off us fat girl!  We did not like that abuse yesterday and are not going to cooperate!"  I am SOOOO sore!  The front of my thighs are screaming!  Did make for an interesting workout!  Atleast it was a different group of muscles today.  Any time I had to use my thigh muscles I thought I was gonna die!


I kinda stuck to the menu for the day.  Breakfast was yummy!  A two egg omelet filled with tomato, onion and avocado.  Lunch was a chef salad and snack was a yogurt with pecans and a dash of vanilla.  Then it got bad.  My afternoon was packed full of running.  I had an appointment to get to in the afternoon and then a meeting at 6.  Needless to say, I had 10 minutes inbetween to run home and eat.  So much for the tilapia and salad.  It was a braunsweiger sandwich with homemade mayo and cheese.  I am pretty sure that blew it right there.

Tomorrow should be a better day!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Day One~Game On!

Well with only 2 cups of coffee this was meant to be a challenging day.  I have to get used to this.  I do have to pay more attention to what I am doing.  I found out, thankfully before I left the house, that I put my pants on backwards.  Ugh....  Thank god they were just yoga pants!  I did good though.  I stuck with the diet and did the workout.  Ok, so I only did one.  My day kind of got away with me....  I didn't FORGET about the meeting I had, I just didn't put two and two together and got all screwed up.

Breakfast was a very yummy cup of plain yogurt with cinnamon and almonds in it.  I have to admit that it didn't fill me up but that is fine cause I usually don't eat breakfast.  I know, it's the most important meal of the day....blah, blah, blah.  I am usually too busy to sit down and eat it though.  Besides it just gets in the way of the coffee, but that is gone now.  Anyways.... lunch was a salad with tomatoes, onions and tuna.  I cheated here and used a low fat raspberry vinaigrette.  A snack was two stalks of celery with hummus.  I forgot how good hummus was!  I did find out though that the little one also likes hummus.  *Note to self-get more hummus!  This is where it got a little hectic.  I was running to a meeting and getting the kids fed and didn't have time to eat.  I ate at 9pm and just had the 6 oz steak.  It was supposed to have a spinach salad with it.  I don't think that is too bad.

Like I said, I only got in the one workout.  I did do housework, blech, in between though.  I THOUGHT I was in pretty good shape.  I mean like not totally out of shape.  Boy, was I wrong!  I think I am about as far out of shape as a person could be!  I was huffing and puffing like a steam engine and sweating like a hooker on nickel night!  OMFG!  I was trying my best, but my best is not all that much.  I did everything with the easy modifiers and cussed out all the buff peeps on the DVD who were showing off doing the harder modifiers.  Jillian kept saying "atleast you made the first step and showed up" so she was atleast happy!  This was easy crap though, like standing on one leg and kicking.  I couldn't even do that without falling over.  Jillian says I will get more stable and I don't think she would lie to me seeing as how we are best buds now.  I couldn't even do one stinking pushup correctly on my knees!  I used to do 50 military style with my feet crossed over each other when I was in the army!  Jillian says she wants me to get a dimple on the side of my butt cause that is sexy.  I thought "dude, I got dimples on my butt and they are far from sexy"!  I don't think she is talking about cellulite dimples though....  I also only used 1 lb dumbbells cause that is what I had.  Good thing, cause I might have dropped anything else on my head!

I have to say I don't feel as "jiggly".  Of course all I have to do is walk by a mirror to be reminded that I need to workout harder!  I also had more energy.  I still wanted to take a nap, but I could resist.  I felt tired when I went to bed at 10 pm.  Usually I collapse in bed at 12 and hit the snooze button about 12 times before getting up.   Last night, it took forever to go to sleep.  I was tired but had energy.  Weird....  All I can say is....

WOOHOO!  I survived Day One!

Now, on to Day Two....

Sunday, April 14, 2013


198....that is the magic number.  2 away from 200.  Not bad if you are counting money, but on a scale?  Are you freaking kidding me?!

198.  That was my breaking point.  The last time I hit 200 lbs I was pregnant and immediately after when back into my size 3 jeans.

198 and 50.  Two numbers that I now loathe seeing with every fiber of my being.  I tried to cheer myself up by telling myself that muscle weighs more than fat.  The tape measurer will surely love me!


Seems the tape measurer is in cahoots with the scale to make my life miserable.  42-40-44.  Ugh.... How the hell did this happen?!

Enter  Jillian.... and her are going to be best buds for the next few months.  I sat down so excited with a bag of BBQ chips and a Nestle Crunch candy bar to see what was in store for me.  I started by reading through all the material in the package.  There is alot of reading!  I wonder how many calories you burn reading?  Then I popped in the first 3 DVDs.  Who remembers the Friends episode where Monica and Chandler sit down and watch Phoebe's friends birthing tape by mistake?  That was kind of my reaction.  OMFG!  She is going to KILL ME!  I broke a sweat and got out of breath just switching out the DVDs!

Crap....what have I gotten myself into?  I think that Sundays are going to be my favorite day of the week since they are a rest from exercising day.  I do have to say though that I am pretty surprised.  I thought her workouts would be all drill sargenty make it hurt like.  She is very encouraging though.  She pushes you, but not in a DO  IT kind of way.  She is still going to kick my ass though!

For now, I am off to the grocery store to do some shopping.  Surprisingly, alot of the food on her diet is not existing in my house!  I also need to figure out how to incorporate the rest of the households meals into my meals.  I don't want the kids to have to be on a diet just because I am.  There are also a few variations that I am doing too.  I don't care for salmon and there is salmon on this diet.  I am planning on substituting tuna for the salmon.  Water too....blech.  I have to admit that I don't drink water, let alone enough water.  Unless it is tonic water and there is gin involved.  No alcohol either.  She is just taking all the fun out of my life!  She also limits the amount of coffee to 1-2 cups in the morning.  HELLO!?  Coffee is one of the main staples in my diet!  I can't function without a 1-2 pots a day!  1-2 cups....yeesh....

I am also quitting smoking....again.  2 cups of coffee a day and no cigarettes, I ought to be a real bitch by the end of the week.

It's Sunday though.  Today I am living it up!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

My Love Affair With a Floor

Yeah, you heard that right.  I am IN LOVE with a floor.  I am just adoring it and patting myself on the back until the hubby comes home and points out all the mistakes I made.  I don't give a rat's ass right now!  I did it all by myself.

With a very bossy 5 year old supervising.

That part sucked.  The bitty one was home from school today.  I was stupid enough to think she would entertain herself and leave me alone.  Nope...

"Mom, do you need help?"


"Suuure?  What are these blue pluses?"


"What are spacers?"

"They keep the tiles apart"

"Can I have some?"


"Do you know your butt is showing?"

Yes, that is how it went hour after grueling hour.  For the love of god, that child can talk!

But it is done.  Except for grouting.  That is waiting for the little urchins to go to bed.  I am so in love with it!  I would sleep on it nekkid if I didn't think it would push my kids into therapy finding me sprawled out, nekkid, on it.  I mean I am sure they will at some point in time need therapy after living with me all these years.

I also finished the wall, patched it, patched the wallpaper, painted and hung the heavy mirror that needs to go up about an 1".

Yeah, 1 freaking inch!  Seriously?!  I may splurge and go up two though just cause I can!  It looks pretty if you squint and block out all the crap on the counter.  I need to paint the mirror still but I am not sure if I want to just paint it the Ultra White like the moldings or distress it.  As you probably know, I don't rush these things.  Only took me 7 years of hating the floor to replace it!  Hopefully I will make a decision soon though.

It has even been "christened".  One of the super poopers that lives here plugged up the toilet and shoshed water on the floor trying to plunge it.  WTH?  Really?!

As for now though, I have a hot date with a tub of grout and a tile float!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Bah Humbug....

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know Christmas is close.  This is about when the bah humbug starts.  When the impact of what lies ahead rears it's ugly head.  For all you inquiring minds, no I am not an "Elf on a Shelf" lover or fan.  Who's idea was this anyways?  Probably the same dumbass who invented the "Tooth Fairy".  Do you know how many times my sleepy eyed children have wandered into the kitchen with a tooth in their hand wanting to know why the damn Tooth Fairy missed them?  Cause I suck is why?  By the time that I actually the little urchins herded up and off to bed I am so exhausted that the last thing on my mind is to sneak up to their room and replace a tooth with money.  I am the one who reaches into her wallet, pulls out whatever is in there and say "Here, she told me to give this to you.  Hand over the tooth".  Yeah, I suck.  BTW, what does everyone do with those teeth?  Now they have come up with the Elf thingy.  The idea is cute.  I can read the book and stick him on a shelf.  Move him every night?  Come up with different things for him to do?  I have a hard time planning my own activities let alone a stuffed inanimate object.  Elf on a Shelf....WTH?!  I feel ahead of the game if I have their stockings stuffed before the darlings come down Christmas morning.

Since we host Christmas at our house and have the crappiest house out of everyone in the family, I usually start a BIG project.  There is a reason to my madness though.  Keeps my mind off things and I can blame the project for not decorating at Christmas.  Also, if the house isn't quite up to company standards I can again, blame the project.  It's really an ingenious idea if you ask me.  This year it is the pooper room.  My poor sad pitiful excuse for a bathroom.  The only one in a house with 5 people.  I feel bad for it, I really do.  It has taken it's share of abuse over the 7 years we have lived here.

There used to be a huge mirror on this wall.  I think we pushed it to it's limit because it decided to commit suicide in the middle of the night.  Fell right off the wall.  Probably been there for years and a few with us and it had had it!   I didn't even scrape the mastic off the walls after it fell, let alone touch up the paint.  How sad am I?  Just stuck up a mirror and called it good!

Here's a fun game.  What is missing in this pic?  If you guessed a towel bar you win a cookie!  The little one called it a "monkey bar" and used it as such.  I do believe her words right before it gave out and fell off were "Watch this!"  Always a sign of disaster or impending doom when those 2 little words are uttered by my kids!

The main reason to come into this room, the pooper.  Sitting in a sad, depressed little corner behind the door.  You definitely want to lock the door when sitting on the throne to prevent your knees from being whacked.  Again, half a toilet paper holder on the wall.  For god's sake, can't anyone atleast take the rest of it down?  I don't know what happened with that one actually.  Probably another spectacular feat of gymnastics by one of my little dears.  I do like my window treatment I did a few years ago in here.  

I hate this floor!  It is so ugly and old.  I am sure it was on clearance and that is why it is in our house now.  It's gotta go.  It is beyond cleaning even.  I hate that you can see each and every seam in the peel and sticks too.  Ugh....

So that is my hot date with an ugly bathroom last weekend!  I, of course, have visions of grandeur that the kids are going to cooperate so I can knock this puppy out.  Yeah.... right....  

First step, is to get the mastic off the wall.  Of course that means that part of the drywall comes with it too.  

Notice a problem here?  WTH!  Why in the world would they make a jar too small to get a smearer into?  Yeeesh....  Now a man would have stopped what he was doing to run up and get the right tool.  I am much smarter than that!  I grabbed a butter knife to get some of the spackle out of the jar, put it on the smearer thingy and then applied it to the wall.  

A man will also tell you to apply the product to the wall keeping you putty knife at a 45 degree angle and applying even pressure.  Keep it smooth also.  A woman will tell you to get some of the stuff on your smearer and act like you are making a peanut butter sandwich.  Or frosting a cake.  Keep it smooth also.

Women are just smarter....

Apply.  Dry.  Sand.  Repeat.  On the repeat coat you want to wet the smearer to do a finish coat and lightly sand if needed.  It dries pretty fast too so you don't have to wait long.  

Now to paint.

I hate painting, but love the look and smell after it is done.  I also forgot what an acrobatic act it is to paint this sucker!  Did I forget to mention that I am afraid of heights?!

I know!  Big color change huh?!  Went from a beige with a rose tint to a beige with a gold tint.   It may take me awhile to get used to this.  Look how nice the wall where the mirror used to be looks.  One good thing about being a hoarder is that I saved all the bits from doing the beadboard wallpaper and found there WAS enough to do this little bit!  Way to go hoarders!  A quick "shopping trip" and a little swapperaroo with the mirror in the girls room....

But first....'s not a full blown project until there is a little blood shed.  I think it was a papercut cause it just bled for a second.


....there it is so far.  The mirror needs to be painted.  Once the beadboard wallpaper is dry it also needs to be painted.  Then moldings, trim, the new floor and redoing the countertop.  Let's not talk about the countertop right now though.

For now though, I'm done!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The OMG Moment

I am sure that everyone has experienced the "OMG moment".  You know that moment when life just sneaks up, slaps you upside the head and says "Hey!  You are an adult, or you are going to be a mom, or you were in such a hurry you put your underwear on backwards and are wearing see through pants...."  That moment in your life when you are revealed such a realization that you answer is just holy crap!

Mine happened a few weeks ago.  I was sound asleep in my bed, minding my own business and trying not to be pushed off the side by my husband, who for the record is NOT a bed hog.  HA!  I sat straight up in bed out of a dead sleep.  I did this so suddenly that I even woke up Sleeping Beauty next to me.


"OMG!  I am going to be 50!  5-0!  In like a month!"

"Is that it?!  Shut up and go back to sleep....zzzzzz"

OMG!  50!  The big 5-0!  When the hell did that happen and why is he sleeping so soundly!  This is baaaaad!  Really bad!  I can't really be doing THAT already!  I don't feel 50 so why do I have to BE 50!  Why didn't I moisturize more?

That whole day was bad.  Just one reminder after another that I was old.  It started with the morning shower.  Innocent enough huh?  Wrong!  Catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror when you are trying with everything you can to not believe you are turning 50.  I spun around thinking someone had snuck into the bathroom with me when I wasn't looking.  Nope, not so lucky.  That was ME in the mirror!  Wow, I got fat!  That is a whole lot of old looking back at me.

You know what else happens when you get old?  Your hair goes gray.  Yeah, not just the visible hair either.  You know the hair down there that if you have colored your hair for a long time is the only indicator of your true color?  Yup!  Gray.  DO NOT if you are feeling smarter than them grab a pair of tweezers and try to rip them out either.  You won't just grab the one culprit, but a few of his friends, and may end up writhing in pain on the bathroom floor screaming like a banshee!  I mean, not that I did that.... I just heard of other people doing that....  *Note to self-clean the bathroom floor*  I did resist the urge to dye it with the red color I do on more viewable hair growth.  Knowing my luck, I would get in an accident and then while I was unconscious they would have to remove my clothing and think I had a really bad venereal disease or something.

You know what else sucks about getting old?  Boobs.  I never had boobs in my younger years.  Thankfully, after my boy, I got quite the rack though.  Pretty proud of those homegrown puppies too!  Who would of thought that our joyous time together would be so short lived.  Guess they are tired too cause they are sagging.  Sagging!  Is that a sick joke or something?

My youngest daughter came in while I was dressing cause she has no sense of a closed door unless it is deadbolted.  Just dropped the towel and in she storms.  Took one look at me au naturale and ran out screaming "I don't want to get that old"!  Seriously?!  Don't you know I just had the OMG Moment?

I have also found that I don't understand teenagers.  This comes in handy considering I have two of those alienlike beings.  My oldest daughter showed me a video that she and her friends think is funny.  One, I didn't get it.  Two, what the hell is a "condom star"?  After she stopped laughing til she peed her pants, she told me he is saying "gangnam style" and the song is in Korean.  Phew!  That took care of number 3, cause I couldn't understand one freaking word he was saying!  Just yesterday I was rolling my eyes at my dad for not understanding the utter coolness of my choice of music.

50.  Blah.  My husband keeps asking me what I want to do for my birthday.  Hmmmm.....  Maybe me on a table with a very talented plastic surgeon working his magic on me?  50.  Wow, getting old sucks....