Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The OMG Moment

I am sure that everyone has experienced the "OMG moment".  You know that moment when life just sneaks up, slaps you upside the head and says "Hey!  You are an adult, or you are going to be a mom, or you were in such a hurry you put your underwear on backwards and are wearing see through pants...."  That moment in your life when you are revealed such a realization that you answer is just holy crap!

Mine happened a few weeks ago.  I was sound asleep in my bed, minding my own business and trying not to be pushed off the side by my husband, who for the record is NOT a bed hog.  HA!  I sat straight up in bed out of a dead sleep.  I did this so suddenly that I even woke up Sleeping Beauty next to me.

"Whaaaa...."

"OMG!  I am going to be 50!  5-0!  In like a month!"

"Is that it?!  Shut up and go back to sleep....zzzzzz"

OMG!  50!  The big 5-0!  When the hell did that happen and why is he sleeping so soundly!  This is baaaaad!  Really bad!  I can't really be doing THAT already!  I don't feel 50 so why do I have to BE 50!  Why didn't I moisturize more?

That whole day was bad.  Just one reminder after another that I was old.  It started with the morning shower.  Innocent enough huh?  Wrong!  Catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror when you are trying with everything you can to not believe you are turning 50.  I spun around thinking someone had snuck into the bathroom with me when I wasn't looking.  Nope, not so lucky.  That was ME in the mirror!  Wow, I got fat!  That is a whole lot of old looking back at me.

You know what else happens when you get old?  Your hair goes gray.  Yeah, not just the visible hair either.  You know the hair down there that if you have colored your hair for a long time is the only indicator of your true color?  Yup!  Gray.  DO NOT if you are feeling smarter than them grab a pair of tweezers and try to rip them out either.  You won't just grab the one culprit, but a few of his friends, and may end up writhing in pain on the bathroom floor screaming like a banshee!  I mean, not that I did that.... I just heard of other people doing that....  *Note to self-clean the bathroom floor*  I did resist the urge to dye it with the red color I do on more viewable hair growth.  Knowing my luck, I would get in an accident and then while I was unconscious they would have to remove my clothing and think I had a really bad venereal disease or something.

You know what else sucks about getting old?  Boobs.  I never had boobs in my younger years.  Thankfully, after my boy, I got quite the rack though.  Pretty proud of those homegrown puppies too!  Who would of thought that our joyous time together would be so short lived.  Guess they are tired too cause they are sagging.  Sagging!  Is that a sick joke or something?

My youngest daughter came in while I was dressing cause she has no sense of a closed door unless it is deadbolted.  Just dropped the towel and in she storms.  Took one look at me au naturale and ran out screaming "I don't want to get that old"!  Seriously?!  Don't you know I just had the OMG Moment?

I have also found that I don't understand teenagers.  This comes in handy considering I have two of those alienlike beings.  My oldest daughter showed me a video that she and her friends think is funny.  One, I didn't get it.  Two, what the hell is a "condom star"?  After she stopped laughing til she peed her pants, she told me he is saying "gangnam style" and the song is in Korean.  Phew!  That took care of number 3, cause I couldn't understand one freaking word he was saying!  Just yesterday I was rolling my eyes at my dad for not understanding the utter coolness of my choice of music.

50.  Blah.  My husband keeps asking me what I want to do for my birthday.  Hmmmm.....  Maybe me on a table with a very talented plastic surgeon working his magic on me?  50.  Wow, getting old sucks....